so i would recommend checking out my new tumblog business andro-jamie. because i may actually post to it and it’s basically as personal as writing about my dreams. which i continue to have but have less energy to write about them. but seriously check out the other blog, i’m hoping it’ll be pretty good

dream: i was standing on an old-fashioned subway platform, half indoor half outdoor. The tracks and the platform were very narrow, i expected a coal powered train to show up at any minute. There was a secret stairway that led to an underground base where subway repair, set design and possibly hacking happened. it seemed like i knew everyone down there, i was saying hello and high-fiving everyone. there was one girl in particular, i had known her in high school. we chatted and it all seemed friendly until i was leaving the base through the computer room. i was saying goodbye and one girl told me i had a period stain on my pants. i looked down and there was a dime sized red dot near the top of my pants fly. like a really illogical spot. i knew that my high school friend had noticed and didn’t tell me out of spite. what the hell dude?

instead of a mega post i’m going to do a series a smaller posts. because i can. i got a little lost in the dreaming but i’m back now. we’ll see how i do on updates. hup hup!

dream: ugh guys this was such a sad one. it was possibly why i stopped posting for awhile, i can’t remember the last time i had a dream so sad. my dad was dying. we were in a small house and he was always in the back bedroom. i was in the living room trying to keep my shit together. my sister had been back talking with him and came out to tell me that he had remembered a video game she liked to play when she was little. he called my name and asked me how i was. i tried to not sound like i had been crying but i did a bad job of it. he asked me to come back so he could hug me and talk to me but i told him i was late for school. i ran out of the house and to class in this huge lecture hall. we were taking a test but i was so preoccupied and guilty i couldn’t pay attention. i couldn’t believe that i had walked out on my dad, on maybe the last time i would be able to talk to him and tell him i loved him. i wanted to leave but i was afraid of not finishing the test. i knew my dad was already dead.

i was so sad for like a couple of days. even though it was a dream it just felt so real and so possible. it also reminded me when my first grandparent died, my grandma marilyn when i was 9-ish. i cried all through her funeral and my dad asked me to sit by him but i wouldn’t. i guess i wanted to be strong but now i know i would have loved to have not been so stoic.

dream: things happened earlier on but this is what i remember. i had a dog who had been missing and sick. i had just got him back and i was carrying him into target to buy something. just as i walked in i ran into a ex-gf. our break up wasn’t bad (by my standards) but very sad on my part and it has been over a year since i last saw her. i was surprised to see her since it had been so long but she was obviously excited by my dog. we called him puppy pup the entire time, i don’t know if he had another name. i told her about him being sick, apparently he had licked the inside of another dog’s mouth. she laughed and said “of course your dog would get sick that way! how did that even happen?” i started telling her the story and i flashed back to it happening. except it seems he never actually licked another dog’s mouth; he had run away and i was looking for him. i saw him up on some kind of platform in a huge building so i ran up the steps after him. he had a large red plaid scarf stuck under his collar and his face seemed hurt. the scarf was covered in baking powder which was making him sick. then i flashed back to how he got the scarf on him even though i hadn’t been there. he was in a shopping center and started chasing a boy down an escalator. the boy was trying to tranquilize a couple of girls by covering their noses and mouths with a scarf covered in baking powder but instead he got it caught on my dog and then my dog ran away. after the story was done i was further in target with my ex, we were near the cashiers. she was angry at the kid and said “he should be charged with animal cruelty, that’s animal cruelty right?” i said “uhhh yeah! i know” then we kept chatting and laughing and it was so comfortable and familiar until it suddenly got silent. i just kept looking at her, probably with too much affection because she suddenly said “well we’re both hungry, we probably shouldn’t talk too much longer.” i was caught off guard and sort of agreed. i told her i hoped to see her again soon and she did the non-committal “yeah sure” kind of thing. i watched her walk away until i couldn’t see her anymore and i knew i would never see her again. i felt a little crushed again. i got in line to pay for something, apparently i had paid for my dog but i had to pick up a receipt or something. it took awhile. then i woke up and i felt sad, i’ll probably never see her again and if i still (still) feel like this maybe i shouldn’t. this is the first time i’ve had a dream with her in it.

because i’ve been lax, i’m going to do a round-up of dreams so far this week. WARNING: there are some NSFW dreams, they will be marked.

monday: NSFW. i found a vibrator that looked pretty awesome. it had moving parts, something that looked like a g-spot stimulator and a variety of settings. i was in my room so i decided to use it even though i was on my period. it was pretty boring and as i was using it i realized all of the buttons were placed so that they were inside me, making it difficult to change settings. i decided to use my vibrator, even though it is more humble but the result was the same. i guess i wasn’t into it! then i looked at them and realized i had to clean them and regretted using them, especially because it was so boring.

tuesday: semi-NSFW. i was lying on a bed with a girl, we were wearing boy briefs and tank tops. the lighting was soft. i told her that i liked using strap-ons.

thursday: at the beginning i was in a theatre a lot like the one at my high school in maryland. there was rehearsals for a play and i was running around a lot, i don’t remember much from that part. then i moved to a student flat in germany with two guys. the ceilings were kind of low, almost like ‘being john malkovich’ but not quite as low. everything was really yellow. we had two cats, they were my current irl roommate’s cats. i told the guys i was going to take them outside to roam. the cats and i ran down the steps for awhile and ran into a couple of bike-hipsters and then we were at the park! the cats were running around, having a good time so i laid down in the grass. i watched the cats hunting mice and worms, they would run up to people in the park and drop the dead mice and worms at their feet. it was gross but kind of cute. some girls came up and started talking to me but i kept getting french and german confused. i was kind of speaking deutsch-franglish. the girls kept saying something like “auf deutsch, bitte. nicht französisch” and i would say “oh sorry!” i felt pretty dumb. then i had a semi-lucid dream where i was telling myself i would never wake up in time for class. i kept arguing and telling myself that i was being mean. i got up in time for class.

i had to change my sleep schedule so i haven’t been able to remember my dreams as well. these are some from several nights:

i had awesome gray flannel-y denim pants. they were the best pants. i was sad when i woke up and realized i probably would never find pants as comfortable or flattering.

i was showing someone my driver’s license to show how much my hair had change (this happens semi-frequently in real life) but there were two. i couldn’t remember taking one of them and both had several pictures on them instead of just one. apparently i always made weird faces when i was getting my driver’s license…

dream: i was walking around streets in well laid out area with neo-classical buildings. it reminded me of scranton or randolph afb. i think it was my college or near it but i decided to ditch school and go to the zoo. the zoo was huge but it was more like a park that was interspersed with animal enclosures. the animal areas had big ponds in front to keep the land animals away from people but there were a lot of animals swimming. i kept hearing mewing and saw two tiny white kittens paddling around in one pond. i went to pick them up but they said they wanted to swim and didn’t want to be petted. i moved on a little disappointed and there was an emu swimming, it’s head was partially underwater and it looked really cool. then i walked into a building and realized it was the bug area. luckily there was a detour that would take you to two outdoor areas. i stepped into the detour and there was a lion! i jumped out and tried to figure out why they would do that but realized it was a fake lion. i went back in and went out to a little area overlooking a lake. two workmen came out of the detour carrying a huge box, the path was so small i kept having to back up to let them pass. i went back through the detour to a bigger outdoor area that was a playground. i didn’t see any kids the right age to for the playground but i did see a 15-16 yr-old girl in this clear contraption that had a really small opening. i was thinking ‘my ass is way to fat to get into that thing’ and even the little slip of a girl was having a hard time getting out, her brother was pulling on her arms to get her out. then i was thinking about legos. someone was saying that they outgrew them and how everyone should. which, lame. anyways i saw a box for a yacht lego set and i got really excited because i used to have it. i hadn’t seen it put together correctly in a really long time and then i realized there were a bunch of non lego pieces in it. it looked good though, it made me want to play with legos pretty badly. i kept walking around the playground and there was this weird writing thing where it would make your writing 3-d. it seemed high tech but it was pretty cheap. i wrote ‘go fuck yourself’ or something like that, something where i wrote ‘fuck’ really really big. then when i tried to erase it it wouldn’t go away, i tried turning the sheet over but there were things drawn all over every side of every sheet. i put the least offensive one in the front and walked away. then i was in my sister’s apartment looking for food. i found a can of tuna in the oven and it seemed like the best thing to eat. i opened it and one of her cats was going crazy for the tuna, just following me and rubbing against my legs and meowing. i realized i was eating cat food. then when i woke up my sister’s cat was meowing super loud in the hallway (he gets lonely at night i think)

dream: omnisciently i was at an underground-ish club watching people watch a girl band. there were some fratty guys at the front of the stage, they said the band was called the vivain girls. it was two sisters and they were naked. they were skinny with slightly drooping breasts, alternative haircuts and really pretty. girls in the audience were doing choreographed dances like a flash mob but the frat guys were mostly focused on naked ladies. part of the show was that the vivain girls would do whatever you wanted with them with no comment. at first one of the guys grabbed her breasts and then he laughed and told his friend that he was pretty sure he could fuck them if he wanted. he was hesistant, one of the girls made a circle with her thumb and pointer finger and put it up to her cheek and said “we’re at the mark in jersey and we believe in the mark”. he grabbed her hand and started taking her to the bathroom. then a line of audience girls stepped forward and pretended to shoot him. the entire time i was thinking how ridiculous their do anything posturing was, were they just trying to make ladies hate men more? i def hated them in the dream.

dream: i was wandering through a very modern museum with a group of people. it’s possible that we were on a scavenger hunt or some kind of mission. also the museum felt kind of ominous like the doors might seal shut and gas would be pumped into the room at any minute. the ceilings were immensely huge and there were automatic doors to go into the different rooms. lots of paintings were hung on these 7-8 ft. tall, 5 ft. wide frosted glass walls. they were set up kind of like a maze, i remember walking around and around them and being disoriented whenever i entered the room. i think that i went into the same room like 3-5 times over the course of the dream. there was also a big inflated tent through a set of automatic doors that had interactive objects. there was a big robot that you could control and weird structures you could crawl in. in the tent i was with my dad and i may have been younger. there were a lot of kids there. it was a fun dream but it was also sometimes cold and a little scary. sound seemed to be muted or softened somehow, more so than people whispering they way they normally do in my dreams.

i sort of dreamed about the l word. like the words ‘the l word’. and someone was whispering ‘the l word’. i wish the dream had been about shane